it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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