He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize