Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
