I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I've blown a few things in my day
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
