there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
