help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
