it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
