So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
