You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
