I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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