i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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