Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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