benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
