the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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