i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
