you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
