We named our party play list daddy issues
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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