Well douche your snatch and let's go!
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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