you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
