I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
