maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
