i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
