you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
