3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
wow bdsm is so cute
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