"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
