you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
