Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
