I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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