it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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