Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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