I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
