Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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