Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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