So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize