I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize