I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We left an ass print on the piano.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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