hell yes lets make some ravioli
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
