He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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