I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
