Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
