Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
