i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He better not be in your backpack
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
