I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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