there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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