Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
