youre lurking in front of me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I love having hate sex.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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