Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
