taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
mondays should just be called national damage control day
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
