apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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