2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
