I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
