So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so let's talk penis.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize