I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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