i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
