i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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