dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
