I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize