I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize