When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
