it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
