dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
