you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
