ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
