I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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