A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
