one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
