im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
