You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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