I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
