i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
